Wednesday, 13 May 2009

• Absolutely Nothing...

  .....but the blood of Jesus can wash away my sins. The more I see my sins, the more I'm thankful for Jesus and his blood that was shed for me. With motherhood on the forefront of my mind before and after this past weekend, I've spent time in prayer and thought trying to evaluate myself as a mother. God heard me and put in front of me something quite alarming. I've been deeply convicted about my failure to be the bride of Christ and my husband's bride above all else. To put those two things first and make sure the kids know they are both first - before them! It's kind of one of those areas that I feel like saying, "DUH!!" But that would be arrogant. I've never thought of myself as being a child centered parent because I've always believed that's not in the child's best interest. However, having my eyes opened to my failure, I am feeling the weight of my sin, but I praise God for exposing it to me. I praise God more that my sin (not in part, but the whole) has been washed away by the blood of Jesus. It is so easy to make sure I meet all my children's needs and take my husbands needs much more lightly (because he's a big boy - he can take care of himself unlike they can). But that is not good enough. It's not God's plan. Being a good mother involves teaching my children and showing them by example what honoring their father looks like... what loving a husband looks like... what serving a husband looks like. It's like I've known that God and my husband need to stay top priority, but it was more head knowledge. I knew it in my head, but it was not burned into my heart and being lived in conviction with consistency! And now God has brought it before me and in His power touched my heart with it, exposing my sin and laying out His will concerning it all so clearly. For example, I will stop everything to tuck my children in bed, sing to them, listen intently, and tell them how I can't wait to spend the next day with them... but often when dear husband announces he is heading off to bed (and I know even though he doesn't say it that he would like me to come too) I will sometimes just keep reading whatever I am deep into, saying goodnight to my sweetheart, putting myself and what I want to do before him. Jonathan's not fussed about this and he is confident of my love, but that's beside the point. That was just one example of something I felt God had stand out to me recently and some things are going to change because God is changing me, slowly one step at a time. I'm left in awe of His ways, His plan, and ever thankful that God has allowed me to see my failure in this area. For now, I'll end with this:

  Joseph sings all the time. He sings while he is cleaning, playing, in the bathroom.... He sings while he is concentrating on drawing at his desk. This was one of those times. He kept singing this song and being repetitive. I ran to get the camera - put it on audio recording and sat it on the chair beside his desk and just let it record. I'm sad that I started laughing at the end. I'm not laughing at the content of the song!!  I just couldn't help myself as I began to wonder if he was ever going to stop singing the "absolutely nothing" part. He was just looking down at his paper as He was singing. He knew I was right there and began to smirk, but he did not know I was recording him. Had I not started laughing, who knows how long the repetition or this song would have ended up being! But oh how I love the "ABSOLUTELY NOTHING" part.... because it's a very essential (part of the) Truth!

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